This is exactly why I left you in the 1st place. I cant stand it anymore. Honestly, I dun even know if any of you will read it. Haf made the mistake once. Not going to repeat it.. But.. I guess, i'm really nothing in your hearts.....

To you people, it's contribution... To tt evil person (who shant be named) it's for his own gain.. But to me.. It's supposed to be a very special place. A place where music is created to contribute to my faith and beliefs. Of course, I know running music in the reality world is not easy. But why do people haf to make it complicated? Isnt life as tough as it is already?

I've learnt to hate social life. That's y i'm anti-social. I wan to believe in the good side of life. Why cant u let me? This political thing/conflict/power struggle. C'mon, what actual benefits (in terms of money) can you get out of this?

I'm totally confused. I do want to contribute. I want to put in my obligation.. But now I noe.. Contribution and music-making cannot exist at the same time. I've had even of the conflict/power-struggle shit. I can contribute in other ways. I certainly dun wan to lose my faith becoz of this worthless process. I still want to keep my faith. I dun wan to be disillusioned. I want to .. .. .. ..

So in the end, I choose to love music.

Do u noe how much pain I've felt when I have to make this decision? The pain is excruciating. You think that I dun care. That's because you dunnoe me. But, I dun really noe u guys anyways.... I dun know how much u guys are brain-washed by tt who-shall-not-be-named. I dun know how u see me. I feel so insecure, so anti-social, when I'm with you people. But I tell myself. Not to leave you. Cos.... that's not a good reason.... I'm an anti-social. Because I nv change. Or when I do, it's always too late. I cant get into ur cliques. Have nv been, and i think, i shant be able to be in anyways....

I've chosen Music..... Hence, I choose to leave..... I dun intend to come back. But tonight.... Everything started to change again... Pressure, stress, challenges all await for me.... I shall find the answer when I go to taisekiji. Perhaps Dai-Gohonzon will help me find the answer......

I'm so all totally confused.. I feel like throwing up. Throw up all these worries.

Den..... Please.... Just let me die...................