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1) When life decides to drop you into a desert. Without and food and water. Make a sandwich to spite it.
2) When someone tries to screw your life, stick 3 fingers up his arse and mouth in the most evil looking way "Whatever"
Someday when I read this, I hope I'll be able to laugh at my own jokes.
Monday, September 27, 2010
This is probably one of those few days when I feel like writing my will, walk around aimlessly, find a good spot and just jump down from a very high building..... Bungee jumping la. U think what? *Evil laugh*
I'm depressed. Not the depression-way like. Just unhappy.
I've been thinking.....
Let's say one day I was walking around and some stupid don't-know-how-to-drive-car driver hit me and I end up in a hospital. During the operation, some unknown figure takes my soul out and we have a little chat. We talk about the things I've done, the good decisions, best memories, regrets, mistakes and if I'm satisfied to leave the world just as it is.
I'd paused for a while and depending on the state of mind and mood I am in I might say yes. But if that happens before I watch the last two Harry Potter movies and before I finish Monk, Criminal Minds and Glee then the answer is definitely NO!!!
The mysterious figure noticed my hesitation and asked, "If I give you a chance to live your life again. Would you do it?" "Really? Hang on.... That sounds too good to be true. What's the catch?" The genderless figure smiled slightly. That would totally give the chills. What a creep. And I was right!
"You will relive with the memories that you possess right now."
Then I see the catch.
See.... If I reset and live my life totally from scratch with the existing memories, this means that I would have the memories to know what to change or what not to change. But this also means that I have to go through some of the toughest times that I've sworn I'd never ever want to go through again. First one, teenage years.
I am a super impatient person. I only wait if I can see the goal. I can endure the hardships for that long, depending if what lies on my destination point is worth.
I am 23 years old. Going through another 23 years of waiting, studying, hardships, just to see if the changes I've made works for the better?
Is it worth it?
7 years of primary school might sound fun. Except for the year when there's PSLE. But what about secondary school? The days of cramming information into my tiny brain, the exams, hormonal changes, crushes that only crushed me... It's not like the movie "Click" where I can have the luxury of the super remote control that allows me to fast forward these phases. I have to sit through every second of this second life.
Seriously... Is it worth it?
Or my second option is just to say no and live through the mistakes I've made and hope that by the end of my life, it makes sense somehow.
See the dilemma there? Sometimes I feel that I've made mistakes that cause me to end up the way I am. I hate it. Honestly, the 'reset' option would be so tempting for me. But the thought of living through a second life with my existing memory hurts too. And what if! What if the changes that I get to change end up all disastrous and I'm left with the same situation or worse than before? Would I be able to bear with such endings without any complaints or regrets? I highly doubt that.
I'm stuck at this. Anyone care to help? What would you choose? To continue where your heart stopped? Die? Or hit that 'reset' button?
Sunday, September 12, 2010
I hate how I am getting educated in the University World. I don't know.. Maybe I've been watching so much "Criminal Minds" that whenever someone says something, I start to observe them. Like this morning, Dr Eugene was talking about the ridiculous notion of grouping Singaporeans according to C-M-I-O. Ok, so years ago, I've come to realise that CMIO is just ridiculous and quoting Dr Larry, O (Others) can also include the monkeys that lived at the back of his house. The population of O is increasing at a speed that it no longer stands for minority as a general. And as what Dr Eugene pointed out, we have communities that consists a higher percentage then the C, M, I or PRC now. (I think "I" is totally overtaken in the percentage.)
Then on the way home, on bus 199, out of nowhere, I started counting the percentage of CMIO that was present on the bus. I think the stress-er probably arised because I saw a couple of Caucasian students on the same bus. (Hmmm.. Not that good looking to leave a deep impression on me. Just saying)
Conclusion: If solely based on the bus "population", the percentage would be as follow: - Chinese: 65% (including bus uncle) - Malay: 0% (cos there were none) - Indian: 12% - O plus PRC: 23%
I was so bored(?) to the extent that I was thinking about this racial issue like not being totally colorblind but to acknowledge the fact that we should embrace and accept varied color skin tones and DNAs to be around us and that Singapore is truly a melting pot of all cultures. Don't just assume that the majority will always be a majority and stick to what you know. It's simply foolish.
Ok, gotta seriously stop. I feel so stupid like lecturing to someone I don't know.
Anyways, the whole point of this post is to vent out my frustration of how whenever some stupid idea is introduced (or re-introduced in this case) to my stupid head, my brain would start to find connections of this idea around my environment. I wish .. I just wish .. I can stay focus enough to pass this stupid last semester and not let incidents like this distract me from proper work.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
First day of school. Go to school for one hour.
I'm watching TV. Like the past four months. BUT! In the back of my head, I keep worrying about school and readings to do.
Watching TV is just not the same anymore.
In the past four months, I've worked for a couple of weeks, and spent the rest of the time watching World Cup, singing karaoke and watching movies. Basically... A hobo life.
I think this is the very last time I can be a hobo. Cos this is the very last semester as a student.
When I'm a working adult... TV will be totally be a luxury.
Aaaaah.. The thing I miss about the short lived hobo life is the luxury of waking up to no agenda in the mornings. Watching TV with no worries that I have work to do. Reading books til late in the... er... make that early in the morning =)
I still have like 3 more novel series and now I have to slow down because of school.
That's like the wrong thing to complain? Whatever...
Time to stop being a hobo and get my brain and body system to be a last minute student again =)
Monday, September 6, 2010
Name is Yi Fan. 4 September
Still struggling, trying to figure out why I am breathing.
Today you are you, that is truer than true.
There is no one alive who is youer than you.
your current hotties and coolies
i want/i need
scuba diving lessons
mechanical pencil lead
**Guitar** (Birthday gift anyone?)