i hate being a softie. It totally sux.

From now on, I must be firm. N raise my expectations. No more over-praising.

Scold
Scold
Scold
Scold
Scold

Raise
Raise
Raise
Raise
Raise

the title would haf just gone on forever and ever sia.. hehehe..

The concert was so cool!!! totally awesome!!! Yeah! So glad that I did went to the concert. Even though I had to spend 171bucks. But it was totally worth it! OMG! I actually saw them live sia.. Sigh.. Great experience.

Wished I did bring my camera la. Haiz, my phone camera sux la. Cant take clear pictures la.

The whole concert was so high. I didnt get to sit down at all sia.. Hahaha. the people around me were so crazy sia. If i didnt stand up, I wont be able to see anything at all. haha, o yea, n i got a free lightstick from some fan club sia. So totally weird la. But I took it anyways.. Hahahhaa...

Any disappointing stuffs? Other den the camera thing, the other thing would be tt the special stage was only used twice sia. Haiz, had thought that it would be part of a special feature or something.

But other than these two, EVERYTHING IS SO AMAZING!!!

I was cheering, screaming, singing throughout the concert. N not forgetting waving. Now my arms are totally aching sia. haha, but it was all worth it =)

I wanna go see them again. Next stop, to Taiwan. Yeah!!

^Q^

Have you ever sat in the bus and until you are the only person left (excluding the bus-driver) in the entire bus?

I have.

And the experience is... Totally, scary

Today, I scolded a class. Reason: They were late.

Actually, it's not a really big deal. They had class before that and it was in the com lab, so they had to return to class to take their stuffs. N my max tolerant time limit is 10min. Cos i do noe tt music lesson compared to the other academic subjects, is of less important and because of the recent competitions, most of them would have missed classes and the teachers would probably want them to catch up too. So, no biggie deal here.

Den why did I still got pissed off and started lecturing them?

Cos they came strolling in.

I cant really understand a thing. 2 girls can be on time. 4 slightly behind. Half 5min behind. The rest, s-t-r-o-l-l-i-n-g in.

I'm positioned right next to the door.
The other half saw me.
The quarter quickly came in to settle down.
The last quarter?
They saw me. (how could they not? Me standing next to the door. Would surely see me when they open the door. N i was wearing pink.)

I looked at them.
They looked at me.
N treated my glance like nothing.

My heart sank.

And then, I began to wonder. Should I scold them? After all, the lateness does not really occur just once or twice.

Then, I decided. I AM going to scold them. Not because they were late. But because they showed no pride in attending lessons on time. I do understand that in-between changing of class, some time will be lost. But please, do not treat it as something that you can take advantage of. This is poor attitude. Especially since today's lesson is assessed. Project performance. With 12 min gone, how am I supposed to finish assessing all groups? You come s-t-r-o-l-l-i-n-g in. What attitude does it show on yourself?

-------- I forgot what I lectured them on actually, but then, you get the main idea ----------

Was I looking at them? Nope, I was looking at the floor most of the time. Totally disappointed. When I looked up, I see faces towards the floor too. The first time that the whole class was listening so attentively to me. And I was speaking in complete sentences. Without any ers, ar, and the.....

So cool la....

And then, I was in control of the class. Everything went smoothly. They listened to my instructions and FOLLOWED them. This is really something. Students might be listening to what you haf to say, but they might not understand it or even do what you want. Listening in does not mean being able to follow.


Then now as I write. I have this sudden thinking. I think I'm dead. Cos my CT was observing this class. N i've just scolded her class. Would I be doing some damages that she has to undo when I'm gone? How would it reflect on my APT form?

Heck la. I did what I should (did I?)n even til now, I dun regret it. Cos, I do sincerely want them to change their attitude.

My 2 CTs commented that I'm not firm or stern enough in my classroom management. Students might not take me seriously. Not talking about good schools like where I am now but in other normal neighbourhood schools where disciplinary issues are huge. After much reflection, I do think it's true. Especially today. It's time to mold the heart with iron solding. Get a grip, Miss Seah. Believe in yourself.

Havent talk to my CT1 about today's observation.

Just wondering.

Would I be prepared to hear whatever she is going to tell me....

5 min b4 class. Rushed down to get keys.
Keys not there.
Run like mad to find my CT.
Run back to music room to open room for students.

Aching legs, from all the mad running for 5 consecutive minutes.

Adaptor not there.
Both keyboards not working.
Haf to run down to GO to get keys, AGAIN.
Returned, panting
But most importantly, BAD mood.

Class not cooperating.
My good class.
Disappointed.
NO one wanted to perform.
And they've wasted my precious 5min of time.

*Knock*Knock*Knock*

Silently. Glooming tension stops all girls in their actions.

"What time is it now?"

Emotionless face appearing now.
They're pretty shocked.
They've never seen me not smiling at all.
Horrible face scares them I guess.

Alas, I'm in control again.
And tt's all that matters.
The rest went well.
But my heart has already been shot at and sunk.

Postscript of class.
I've said and done lots of things that I should not have done.
I utterly regret about my words and actions.
I blame no one, but myself.

Is there still hope?
Sure, of course.
I've still got 4 observations left.
All's not lost.

I must have been complacent.
Going downhills now.
Must stop and rebel against Newton and his blasted dropping apple.
I must improve and go up the hill again.

up, Up and UP!
I will survive, no matter what.

Lots of shatterings today.
Plans, moods, heart, face,..... and Day-dreams.

Oh well, at least i've woken up and smell the coffee.
Shall not daydream anymore.
Will be realistic to concentrate on passing my last remaining days of good life.

Feeling suicidal now.
The window is just infront of me.
The scenary is so beautiful.
The skies are blue, the clouds are so fluffy.
I feel like lying on it....
It's so near, yet so far.

Suicidal emotions are so over-whelming......

I'm going to fly now..

Goodbye, oh, beautiful world.

In the APT form, one of the Processes [Professional Qualities], there's one competency that says [Dresses Professionally].

To my CTs and NSC, it doesnt really pose a huge mega threat or something to me. But it's a total different story to the students.

Student: Miss Seah, why u wear this shirt again? U like wear this every week sia.
Miss Seah: Er, ya. Cos I cant wear a new one everyday for the whole year right?

Lol.... They notice clothes. N i only see them once a week. So i thought they wouldnt really bother to notice my dressing sia. Let's talk about before this conversation.

Student: Oh no, Miss Seah! U wearing my shirt sia. I have this shirt oso sia.
Miss Seah: =_=''' Er.. Ok.. SO this means that I'm young. Good! ^O^
Student: No lor.. It means that I'm old la... *cries*
Miss Seah: -_-" (Goes back to writing instructions on the board)

Wa lao.. Have same shirt oso wan to complain to me. What can i do? Not my fault wat. Lol...............

Next. I wan to complain abt these 2 groups of very sneaky girls.

I asked them to meet me on Mon on 1230 during their lunch break for their project assignment. They agreed. Guess what. I know I wont be seeing them. Why? Cos their lunch break on Mon is diff frm the other days. It's from 1030-1130. 1230 they'll still be having their lessons already. Argh... I missed out tt point. N they didnt remind me on that. Sneaky rite? N got one whole class will be supporting the badminton team finals. So, I wont see them in school at all. How to meet them?

Wa lao... Damn sneaky rite?

Arghhhh....... I so want to kill them already...

NO wait.. I should strangle them first. The death is much slower and more torturing...

Yup, tt'll suit them better.


*in process of finding a thick rope for strangling purposes*